Sometimes I wonder if, having been truly sick, the body can ever get co-ordinated to be truly well again.

This is the -- third? yes. Counting's become hard. Third day of this... my head's packed with static, and I'm mostly mouth-breathing. A best friend's been waiting for a phone call from me and I can't predict how long I'll be able to be sit upright, stay conscious, or talk at any given point. This morning E asked if I'd "be okay" if he went into work today. Long, long time since I've heard that question.



Real downturn when our bed broke, except it's not our bed, its an honest-to-goodness borrowed heirloom-- early Wednesday morning. We staggered out to collapse on the couch, without my CPAP, which E swears has been making a real difference and it has, I've gotten up to two or three days a week without the can't-think can't-move afternoon slump... then again I've also lost consciousness (while remaining decorously upright) at four of the many classes and events of the past week and a half. Our bed broke, we went to sleep without the CPAP, and then I couldn't wake/get up, and when I was up the first thing we needed to do was move the futon mattresses to survey the damage to the honest-to-goodness borrowed heirloom bed. (It turned out there was no real damage, just the runner board twisted away where it was pieced together with thin nails and we could see that at somepoint the other runner board had done the same thing and been replaced with a solid piece and sturdy screws. Which is what we'll be doing to this side. Which is why the owners of the honest-to-goodness borrowed heirloom are finding out about all this via LJ instead of immediate we-owe-you-our-firstborn phone call. That, and please see above re ability to talk on phone right now.) But moving the futons, the futons were so dusty they looked like a cup of sand had been emptied over them, clouds coming up, so I shooed away my beloved asthmatic and vacuumed them and got most of the moving done. *Then*, we found mold on the underside of the bottom futons, strange white stuff in circular patterns. E's devastated, he takes such good care of things and such an investment in them. Get the cover off the futon and into the laundry for two vinegar washes and one with soap and a hot water tumble, vacuum the futon itself and everything seems to come off...

and that's about all I was good for that day. I was mostly able to sit up. Reading, knitting-- not so much. Made it out to class and managed to contribute but did so panting. Spent a lot of time with my little wein air purifier held up to my face. Came home and crashed on a futon we drug to the floor and sheeted, with my CPAP set up next to my head.

Thursday, made it through Toastmasters, but my monthly spirituality discussion group came to a dead stop so our leader could walk me through an exercise in breathing, awareness, and pain control. Awareness and pain control are antithetical at this point; the more aware I am the more seriously my sinuses hurt. Otherwise I'm just mostly numb and bleary in every way. Discussed possibility that bank account fiasco conversion engagement birthday mother's day three graduations five workshops two dinner parties and the cat having surgery all in three weeks may leave me lacking process time. I actually considered calling E to pick me up, as if I wasn't in shape to walk a block for the bus, wait for it, and walk two blocks home. Walked in just after 1pm, hooked up the CPAP and collapsed. E woke me at 4:30pm to check in about food, I was able to sit up to eat, have a shower and washed out my sinuses, then mostly out for another couple hours, then up enough to do some whining and worrying and find out Bob Asprin died, left one fellow fan a message with so little breath it was probably inaudible, then out for the night.

Woke up distinctly smelling mold, that papery dry blooming mold smell, coming right out of the futon we were laying on. Staggered in to shower and washed out my sinuses and for the first time in the weeks of loyally using the Neti pot like my doctor ordered finally experienced the sense of being able to breathe better after using it. Five minutes later realized why I'd never noticed this before-- sinuses have sealed up again before I even leave the bathroom. Got in an hour of prepping dishes to be washed. Now this sitting up business is getting old and real tiresome.

Headed out of town this weekend, then home for two days then out of state for four or five. Telling myself in a dim, distant way that the different environment will do the trick, just hang on 'til tomorrow-- a hope that ignores the fact that I've actually been worse when out and about these three days. Know what needs to happen, everything needs to be dusted & vaccuumed, everything needs to be ordered and scrubbed, and everything we don't use daily needs to be boxed up to stay clean and clear-- just don't know if right this minute I need to be making myself move, lie down, or get food.